Am I destined to be alone?

I’ve always considered myself as an introvert, as in I enjoy doing things alone, I prefer staying in-door over getting outside and having the comfort of being behind a computer-screen and do/learn what I want. I really don’t mind.

But occasionally, it hits me: am I alone? are WE alone?

I know, I know, I sound like a 13 years old with existential crisis who is writing his piece of thoughts on a saturated platform to a mere 0 audiences. Guess I’m treating Medium as if it’s my personal journal. So be it.

My everyday morning are busy, crowded, packs of things that I need to do. CFA exams prep, a work-from-home full time job, cooking, chores, and when the nights come, I’d just play some League, talk to a few online friends that I’ve never seen on discord one or two hours then just power everything down, brush my teeth and mindlessly scrolling through Tiktok until I can’t no more, and wind down then slowly falls asleep.

My routines has looked like I’m in quarantine before quarantine was even a thing. What people call quarantine was just my normal routine.

But today, today I feel alone.

I wonder what it is like to have someone to hold at night.

I wonder what it is like to have someone to share my thoughts, my hopes and dreams.

I wonder what it is like to have a companionship.

I’ve tried Tinder, Bumble, The League, Hinge, OkCupid, you name it. Is it my look? Is it my personality. Am I bland? Do I just not have the energy to pull attraction? Am I.. destined to be alone?